True Life With Liz

Friendship in adulthood can feel alot like trying to create an online profile.

You think you’re creating a profile for others to glimpse into your life and see how cool you are, how valuable you are, how fun you are to be around and how they can imagine their days filled with your wit and charm – your wisdom and best traits. But in reality, we can’t control who finds us interesting. We can only possess the facts of who we are and, we can only offer the best of ourselves while also offering the parts of our story that don’t look or feel so great. We can also offer our very best efforts to stay in the game and keep showing up to the spaces we are invited into, while also showing up for others where they already are.

How do we keep doing that when our hearts and schedules are overwhelmed with the busyness of life and the multitude of checklists we have? How do we, as adults, invite new people in while also maintaining old friendships we hold dear?

I wish I had a simple answer. I haven’t figured it all out friend. You’d think that by now I would have enough information and context to write a book entitled, “ How To Make New Friends & Keep The Old Ones”. Alas, I have not, but…I’m learning to implement what I have learned thus far.

I have found that if we only keep our circle, “our circle”, and not expand or share our friendships, then there is no room for growth. If we only hang onto those who cheer for us and not those who speak the truth in love to us, then we miss the opportunity to grow in maturity and the invitation to grow deeper in friendship.

This life has so many twists and turns – so many curveballs and paths that we never thought we’d find ourselves on. Could it be that while we are walking through the twists and turns, we may come across people who want to be seen and known? People who long for others to understand them and who want to grow in relationship with them? Could it be that just as we find ourselves longing for friendship, both familiar and fresh, that we are longing for the same thing as those we cross paths with each day?

I’ve said this often: When we are young, we are often in spaces where it feels easier to make friends. Classrooms, community groups, gymnastic lessons, music lessons, sports teams, dorm rooms, you name it – these are places where many of us had the opportunity of making friends. 

But what happens when we move away? 

What happens when college ends and careers begin?

What do we find ourselves longing for when we walk through painful parts of life in our prime years?

We find ourselves longing for a friend.

A true and deep friend who wants to experience more than just surface-level conversations. We find ourselves longing for a connection  that says, “Hey! I see you! I’m here for you! Come what may, you can count on me!’.

Friend, If you find yourself longing for friendship in adulthood today, I’m here to remind you that it can be found right where you are. In your location, in your workplace, on zoom meetings or in physical board rooms, on sidelines at games and in line waiting for coffee – God has a beautiful way of placing the people we need most in our path wherever we are. He has a way of knowing our need before we even ask for help with it. He has the best opportunities waiting for us as we wait on Him. I’m reminded of a song that says, “I’ve been waitin, You’ve been working.” He most certainly is working while we find ourselves waiting and longing for friendship. And all of His work is good.

Many times those opportunities to make friends in our new spaces look like joining a group or a local booster club. It can look like volunteering for an organization that you believe in. The chance to make new friends in new locations looks a lot like noticing the people that go to the farmers market on the same days you do. They are the ones who keep getting coffee on the same days you go in – you may even know their order. 

Making friends takes guts and patience. Putting yourself out there in real life – saying, “Hello!” or “Hey, when’s a good time to meet up.” Friendship takes follow up and follow through. It takes showing up for others and participating where their daily life happens.

When I was a new mom it felt easier to connect with other new moms over the latest parenting info or gadgets. But as I became a mother of adults and children with wide age gaps, I felt as if there were less opportunities for me to begin friendship with others. Throw in a few moves and it felt like I was back at square one. Seasons changed but the opportunities were always there. The only thing that had changed was my willingness and, my confidence.

I missed the familiar friends and families that my children grew up with. I missed regularity in routine and seeing the faces I knew and loved nearby. The only thing that changed was my location – not my heart towards my friends. I love my friends. For real – I LOVE my friends. Many of whom have known me since I was a mouthy teenager. And I love them for that. I almost missed opportunities for friendship because my heart didn’t know how to hold the tention of missing others while still embracing new life. My familiar friends loved me in my growing years. But guess what?! Our growing years don’t stop just because we finished puberty. And good news: Our growing years don’t end when we are in perimenopause. Our growing years can continue as we learn to hold the beautiful tension of loving the friendships that span the whole of our life while simultaneously being friendly to people right where we are planted.

There is beauty even here friend.

Beauty in the old,

Beauty in the new,

Beauty in learning to have confidence that the same God who provided friendship for us in our youth can most definitely provide us with deep and meaningful friendship throughout our more well-seasoned years too.

Today, may we remember that Our Loving Lord has placed opportunity all around us to cultivate friendship. Every single space we enter can be a holy opportunity for life-giving friendship. Every kind word can build up a friend. Every thoughtful act can be a bridge of hope to someone around us.

 I believe it. I hope you do too.

 Let’s ask The Lord to show us those opportunities today. I guarantee He will.

Let’s Pray Together: Dear Heavenly Father, I believe You have opportunities for friendship all around me. Help me to have eyes to see the opportunities and ears to hear when You are speaking to my heart. When I sense Your nudging to say “hi “or to bless someone in my path, Lord help me trust Your plans. My best days of friendship are not just behind me, they coexist with the best days of friendship ahead of me. Help me be a good and trustworthy friend to both the familiar and the fresh faces in my life Lord. Help my heart remember these friends in prayer, and uplift them so they are strengthened too. Thank you for the gift of friendship that has no expiration date. Thank you for creating us to cultivate friendship right were we find ourselves today. Amen.

peace – liz

Go The Extra Mile With Me: The best friendship we can ever have is with Jesus. Knowing we aren’t alone and that we can trust Him with every part of our life and every need we have – now THAT is some good news! We aren’t alone, we can do this life together with Him. Check our this song from some of my faves – Chris Tomlin & Russell Dickerson. Adn if this message has brought you some hope today, share it with your friends!